I Give Up Doubting Myself

As I’ve gone through life, I’ve spent a great deal of energy addressing my fears.

And by great deal, I mean all of it.

From everyday fears like rejection and judgment to more morbid fears like ill health and my demise, I avoided these possibilities like the plague.

Unfortunately for me, my shortsightedness often kept me from starting anything, developing a life of caution and resignation.

I had to make a change and start leaning into the discomfort. I began to wrap my head around the fact that my fears weren’t real; they were simply creations of the mind.

I got better results — acts of courage began piecing my confidence back together one tiny morsel at a time.

But I was still getting stopped.

Despite being empowered by my own courage, something even more crippling began showing up as a result. I realized this was at the root of most of my fears, harnessing even more power than fear itself. It berated the belief I had in myself, bringing everything else important to me into question.

Fear in itself was not the problem.

Fear rooted in doubt was my dream-killer.

Despite the understanding that my fears were simply constructs of my mind, I was disabled.

Why can’t I shake this?

I like to think that fear exists in space. It will always be lurking around me in some capacity and I have the opportunity to focus on it if I choose.

Fear was definitely scary, but it didn’t have that much to do with me as an individual— it exists outside of me.

Doubt had me far more perplexed. Doubt took up residence inside of my psyche, challenging the very pillars I constructed to get to where I am today. Doubt had nothing but pessimism to offer about my future, constantly reminding me of my past mistakes.

Doubt tells me I’m not enough. It says I’m full of crap right before I bare my soul. And through our listening of this stalking voice, I handcuffed myself.

The reason the doubt was so paralyzing was because I automatically identified with it. I assumed because it was referencing previous shortcomings or falters, that it was the real me talking.

“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.” — Khalil Gibran

I finally realized however, that everyone deals with this same thing. I got that doubt is simply trash talk at a sporting event, by which I could stop associating with it so personally. I can tune out the noise and remember who I am. What I’m up to as a human being. One that only stands for what’s empowering.

Fear is going to hang around and show up from time to time, which I shouldn’t resist. I can simply acknowledge it and move forward with my original plans.

With emphasis on my belief, hope and faith, my doubt disappears.

And fear without doubt is like a diesel engine powered by unleaded gasoline. Like a frightened dog, it’s all bark and no bite.

My doubt only exists inside of a deficiency in my character, which I have full control over developing.

Never again, doubt. Never again.